Potential Bipolar/borderline?
Question by Coco: potential bipolar/borderline?
I’m concerned that I have bipolar or borderline personality disorder – I know they’re quite different conditions, bear with me.
I’ve had extremely low self esteem for over six years, and throughout that time have dieted intensely and purged frequently, then gone through periods of binging and not caring about my weight. I get badly anxious for a couple of weeks at a time, then it’ll go away for a week or so. Sometimes I just get intense anxiety for a day, and then it’ll go away. I’m afraid of being abandoned and freak out when I think someone’s leaving me, but then I get periods when I have a lot more confidence and think I could be alright on my own. I’ve self-harmed for six years, but I go through periods where I stop for a month or so. I’ve had suicidal periods and periods of being depressed on an off, and these seem to alternate with periods when I feel positive and make lots of plans. Also, when I’m in a positive mood I often take drugs and drink a fair bit – but when I’m down I don’t want to do anything, not talk to anyone, let alone do drugs or drink or party. If I do want to when I’m down, it’s with a self-harming intent. Also, when I’m depressed I sleep about twice as much as I do when I feel good.
I know this is really really terribly rambly and probably doesn’t make much sense and I’m sorry. I’m 17, if that helps. I’ve tried to calm my anxiety, stop my self-harm, stop dieting – just calm myself down in general – when I’m feeling positive, but it doesn’t help. I’ve done online tests for both bipolar and borderline personality disorder, and am considering seeing a doctor but I really would like some opinions first. I’m not sure if there’s anything legitimately wrong with me or if I’m just sooky and don’t know how to be an adult.
Thanks for any tips, advice, anything at all. I’m not really looking for a definite diagnosis, just for someone to tell me if there’s anything to diagnose at all.
Best answer:
Answer by whatever
Visit your doctor.
It sounds like bipolar but your abandonment issues don’t necessarily pertain to borderline.
Answer by Charlotte
Borderline Personality Disorder isn’t just about self-harming and feeling depressed some of the time. There are many other things that tell you that you have borderline personality disorder that you can’t gather from your question.
Often it is caused by a traumatic experience in childhood. Often it is when a parent (or both) are also borderline and treat you like you’re the best thing in the world some days and like your the dirt under their shoe others, without your behaviour being a factor.
Borderline personalities also have problems with relationships because they cannot see someone as ‘grey’ with both good and bad qualities, their are either BRILLIANT or EVIL.
It doesn’t sound like you have bipolar disorder, either, though because the times when you think you’re manic don’t seem like a manic episode they seem more like how you’d be if you didn’t have depression.
“A person may exhibit pressured speech, with thoughts experienced as racing.[11] Attention span is low, and a person in a manic state may be easily distracted. Judgment may become impaired, and sufferers may go on spending sprees or engage in behavior that is quite abnormal for them. They may indulge in substance abuse, particularly alcohol or other depressants, cocaine or other stimulants, or sleeping pills.
“Their behavior may become aggressive, intolerant, or intrusive. People may feel out of control or unstoppable, or as if they have been “chosen” and are “on a special mission” or have other grandiose or delusional ideas. Sexual drive may increase. At more extreme phases of bipolar I, a person in a manic state can begin to experience psychosis, or a break with reality, where thinking is affected along with mood.[12] Some people in a manic state experience severe anxiety and are very irritable (to the point of rage), while others are euphoric and grandiose.”
However, there is also Bipolar II where the depressive episodes are more frequent and intense than Bipolar I which is what I think you have because, without the depression, a manic episode of this type wouldn’t cause any suspicion and the patient would be sent on their way. Bipolar II has the highest suicide rates for all Manic disorders.
I get your reason to see what you’re going in for when you go to see a doctor. I did the same when I had depression and I was pretty certain that was the diagnosis before I even got there.
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